Amusing Quotes

My last post wasn't exactly positive, so I will compensate for that with some quotes that I found amusing.



Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

 —Margaret Mead

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

 —Albert Einstein

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

 —Lily Tomlin

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

 —Steven Wright

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

 —Mae West

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

 —Mark Twain

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

 —Jim Carrey

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

 —Oliver Herford

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

 —Mitch Hedberg

 Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

 —Don Marquis

I found these quotes on brainyquote.com.