This time I'm going to do something different. Rather than write a paragraph, I decided to add some humor to your day. Anyway, enough about me, here's what I really meant to write about.
Steven Wright, is a famous scientist/comic who once said: " I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." Here are some of his tweets, collected from various sources.
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
6 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
7 - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.
8 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
9 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
10 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend... But she left me before we met.
11 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
12 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
13 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
14 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
15 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
17 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
18 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
19 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
20 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
21 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
22 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
23 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
24 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
25 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
26 - The hardness of the butter is inversely proportional to the softness of the bread.
27 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
28 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
29 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
30 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
31 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
32 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
33 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
6 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
7 - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.
8 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
9 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
10 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend... But she left me before we met.
11 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
12 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
13 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
14 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
15 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
17 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
18 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
19 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
20 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
21 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
22 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
23 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
24 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
25 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
26 - The hardness of the butter is inversely proportional to the softness of the bread.
27 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
28 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
29 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
30 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
31 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
32 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
33 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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